Blurry, but considering what I had just endured for the previous 24 hours, I'll take it.
Coming home was as good as could have been expected, but let me just say that travelling half way around the world with a 2 year old is No. Small. Feat.
My biggest issue was Dawson's apparent love of strangers despite the orphanage telling me that it was his biggest fear. Not anymore! I think he would have ditched me for the Indian lady sitting next to us on the long plane ride from Hong Kong. And he likely would have left me high and dry in Chicago and flown to New York with a large gentleman wearing a friendly smile who happened to be at our same gate.
Dawson slept some on both flights, ate well on the long flight and was too busy people watching to care much for the pizza that I devoured once we were at our gate in Chicago.
I cried when I saw my family at our local airport - tears of happiness for our reunioun, pure relief to know the solo part of my journey was over, and from absolute exhaustion!
Almost a week later, I still feel exhausted most days just not quite as severly. Dawson has had some attachment issues with me now that he has other options. He has rejected me for pretty much anyone else in the house especially his 2 oldest sisters. This seems to be getting a little better in the last 24 hours, but I know it may worsen again before he is solidly attached to me as his mama. That has been tough to bear when added with the physical exhaustion, emotional stress of adding another child to our family, and the huge stress of re-entry into "life". Obviously, it is much easier to parent 1 child in a 5 star hotel with no laundry to do or meals to cook or house to clean or kids to shuffle to and fro. But I am surviving by God's grace alone. David returned to work on Monday, and I had a good breakdown. Tears flowed as I realized the brunt of caring for 9 children is mine - alone.
Today is better. The sun is shining - finally! My sister is grocery shopping for me as I type and then picking up my kiddos from VBS. My mom rescued me yesterday in the midst of my breakdown - offering advice and encouragement, doing dishes, laundry, and changing bed linens. Loving family and friends are feeding us.
Praise God for all of the blessings which He alone has provided to make this all possible.
And, for the record, when Mary Margaret (their family is also struggling after returning home) asked me yesterday how on earth I could ever do this 5 TIMES, I replied "Only God! There is no part of me that would ever willingly sign up for this apart from a divine calling from my Father in heaven!"
Adoption is beautiful, but it is HARD!
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